The next thing I know I'm laying on the side of the road out of the car. I don't remember anything, but thinking this is all a dream. I was so scared, the next thing I know I'm holding Lars' hand trying to calm him down. I glance up for one second and see my best friend and his head is covered with blood and Scott was over there helping him. That's when I went into shock, I got so scared that everything was real, and to see someone I care about so much, to see Gabe lying there and I couldn't do anything, because I wasn't sure everything happening was real and I was weak. My whole body ached with excruciating pain, pain that shot right up through my back telling me I broke something somewhere. I was dizzy and I hurt, but I didn't understand anything going on. I remember thinking no, no this can't be happening, we were just laughing and joking in the car, why? What's happening, where are we? I got so scared and I hurt so bad, I just drifted off to close my eyes to try and stop feeling pain and hopefully to wake up to this all being a dream.
I guess later on the paramedics came. I was life flighted to Primary children's under critical condition. I guess they couldn't get me to breath and had to stick a huge tube down my throat to keep me breathing. They did that three times until finally I could breath on my own. I guess going into shock really got into me.
I don't really remember flying until the very end, and because they kept smacking my face telling me to not go to sleep, but to try and keep my eyes on him. I have never experienced fear until that very night. I was so scared, I kept wondering if everything was real and why.I had so many questions and concerns, but the biggest question I had that never left my mind was-- -what is happening and was my best friend gone? As soon as I came through the hospital doors I closed my eyes for an answer that all this was a dream and everything was going to be ok.
I got my answer, but not the one I was looking for. Instead it was Gabe clear as ever, looking at me. We were all alone and I was confused and scared, why were we here? I kept asking Gabe where we were and what was happening. Gabe looked so calm, but sad at the same time, like he knew something I didn't. But for a couple of seconds we stared at each other, and then he looked into my eyes and I mean directly in my eyes, I can still remember that look today, like he didn't want to say it, but it was time and slowly he told me, ''goodbye''. That's all he said, we looked at each other and then someone took his hand and pulled him back with the rest of them all in white. I got my answer of where my friend went, but he wouldn't take me with him. I opened my eyes back to reality and I remember just balling. Tears ran down my cheeks for what felt like forever. I kinda kept falling out of it, drifting off while they did stuff to me.
Finally a nurse came in and moved my hair out of my face and told me everything was going to be ok, and that she needed to know a number she could reach my parents by to tell them about me and where I was. I gave her my dad's number, but apparently he didn't answer and then I fell out of it again. The next thing I remember was being put in another room where the same nurse was washing my legs and my face for blood.
I was alone with no family for a long time,but I know I had a friend who loved me enough to say goodbye and loved me enough to give me comfort. Remembering everything now, and even though I was so sad to say goodbye to such a dear close friend. I know that through it all Gabe was with me every step of the way. I know I felt him. I felt him through my tears, I felt him when they were sticking needles in me, through my heartache, and through the life flight. I felt him when I was all alone and I couldn’t understand anything, what anyone was saying, but I remember truly feeling like someone was lifting me up calming my thoughts, trying to calm me down, but a soft firm voice, or more of a firm feeling not really anyone saying anything, but a firm feeling I would be ok. I know it was Gabe, with me all night, I felt his presence, I felt his love. Gabe will always hold a special place in my heart, that no one will understand or feel.
Without my best friend that night, I would of never made it through that night. Because without Gabe I felt no reason I should of stayed on this earth either. I still don't understand why he was taken and I wasn't, he has so much more purpose than I do, but if god knows what he's doing then I guess I will just follow the plan.
Finally after I was put in a different room, someone who I longed to see came in the doors, my brother Quinn! I remember being so happy and filled with joy, that someone I loved so much was finally there physically to comfort me. He came in with tears in his eyes, and then gave me a priesthood blessing with his friend and old mission companion, Jon Lammers. I remember suddenly feeling like a load of bricks were released off my chest, but I still hurt, hurt that felt like nothing was going to be the same, and no one but time and God could heal me.
I know more than anything that my Heavenly Father was there and that he saved me, because it wasn't my time to go yet. That I still don't understand, and I'm sure I never will, but I do know now that I can't live the rest of my life wondering why, but growing stronger from this. It still hurts to think Gabe is gone, I still don't feel it yet. It all feels unrealistic to me, like nothing happened, that Gabe isn't gone. But it is real, and I have to accept it. Accept the future and embrace the past, but I know through this all I have to keep an eternal perspective, but it's so hard when on earth you still feel all that pain and you're the one left behind.
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